How the Wounaan won my heart

 

 

The low tide had caught up to us.  The Platanares River, which rises and falls with the tides, only allows for boat travel at high tide.  That, apparently, was hours away. The boat wouldn't go any farther.

"We'll have to tell Alex to come and get you here!" Laughed our captain.  I wasn't sure whether he was joking or not, so I just said, "Dale, pues!"

Alex was already in the village of Platanares. The girls and I had stayed behind because of some scheduling overlaps.  But the afternoon before I got a call from the man who was now tying the boat to a nearby tree (his name is Tovar). He told me he was heading up to the village and Alex had asked if I wanted to come along.

I had no way of getting ahold of Alex, so I just went for it.  We packed up, caught a taxi early the next morning to the port, and here we were. Well, I wasn't really sure where we were.  I knew the village was up river, but I didn't know how far.



Soon it became evident that we were getting out to walk the rest of the way.  I tried to remember where the girl's clothes were packed, so that we would have a clean change of clothes when we arrived, but Tovar and his helper lifted our bags to their shoulders and started across the river.  Managing the smaller bags as best as I could, we started hesitantly across the river as well.  Carolyn was soon hoisted onto a pair of shoulders as well, and I told Abigail that we were going to have an adventure.

As we climbed up the opposite shore, I realized that I was going to have my first experience hiking through mangroves.  I kept telling Abigail how brave she was being as we ducked and wove among the roots and overhanging branches, trying to avoid the deepes, stickiest spots of mud.  At one point my flip-flop got stuck.  I fished it out with my hand and went barefoot the rest of the way.

Finally we came out of the mangroves and crisscrossed back and forth through the river.  I kept hoping that Abigail wouldn't ask to be carried because I was pretty sure I couldn't handle the backpacks, plus the slippery river rocks, plus her.  She never did ask, but forged ahead through the river that was chest deep at times for her.

I am sure it took much longer than Tovar and his patient helper wanted, but we finally made it to the village. I will skip over the part about climbing up the muddy river bank. Let's just say that Carolyn and I took a good amount of mud with us.

The first thing I noticed upon arriving was that (hallelujah!) the biting flies, or chitras, weren't anywhere around.  We were dutifully delivered to the pastor's house.  I asked Tovar how much I owed him (I know it's usual for passengers to pay a few dollars to help with the gas costs) he wouldn't take anything.

Later I learned that Tovar had suggested picking me up himself, when we saw that Alex had brought the group and we had stayed home. Then he changed his schedule to make it more convienient for me.  I was touched.  How often does someone go out of their way, change their plan, carry your bag through the river and the mangroves, just so your family can be together.

It's experiences like this that have made the Wounan win my heart.

Raising kids in between cultures

As I listen to other moms share their struggles, it seems that many, if not all moms struggle with the expectations of others.  We wrestle with what our family expects, what society expects, what our spouse excepts, and even expectations with have of ourselves. The big problem is when we fail in fulfilling those expectations.  They can begin to rule our lives.

While this is something I think that moms all over deal with, it's especially difficult for missionary moms, for two reasons.

One reason is the public nature of our work.  Lots of people know us, our whole job is connecting with people.

We have a large network of people involved in our lives (a big blessing) and a lot of people interested in what we are doing and where we are going, in life and in minstry. This can also get tricky.  While the great majority of those people are nothing but encouraging and supporting, some can add on a few more expectations. It's almost like walking by someone at the grocery store with their arms loaded with groceries, and stacking a few more things on top.

While it might be a simple question about us deciding to homeschool, or a challenge about risks that we take as a family, these can weigh on the mind of a mother who is already concerned about how she is doing as a parent.

If you happen to be living in a Christian community (like a YWAM base) you may have to deal with your family being under a microscope 24 hours a day.  Pretty soon it's feels like you are being judged for how your kids behave at the staff meeting, what they ate for dinner, how long they use a pacifier, and a thousand other parenting challenges every day. If you let it, it can drown you.

The second reason I think parenting is difficult for those of us living cross-culturally, is that we have not one but two societies loading us up with expectations.  For me, there is the American mindset, a complicated set of values that wants our kids to be safe (above all else) have a strong self esteem, eat organic foods, whole grains, no sugar... and on and on it goes.  Then we are living in a culture that will give our 6 month old baby a sucker to quiet her down, but criticize us because her hair is not perfectly combed.

I have to admit, this one is hard for me.  In Panama, little girls are expected to have their hair done up with every hair in place, a matching outfit (her hair bows and shoes should also match the outfit) every time she steps outside your yard. God forbid you let your three year old choose her own outfit, or give up after the third time she has ripped the bows out of her hair.

On the flip side, running around in their underwear is totally fine in your house and yard, and it would be perfectly acceptable for me to go out and rake the leaves up in my night gown.

My intent here isn't to criticize their values, just show how different two systems can be. In  the States, we celebrate children getting dirty as they explore life and have fun. Here, where getting dirty is a lot easier, parents fight it every step of the way (probably out of necessity).

I had to laugh when we returned from a fun camping trip while we were back in Oregon this past fall.  Our first stop after camping for two days was the bath tub for the girls.  I just sat there in the bathroom, shaking my head. After two days of playing in the dirt, eating hotdogs with their fingers and running around the forest, they were noticably cleaner than a normal day back home in Panama. I blame the sweat.  Some days the girls are just drenched in sweat, even from playing in the house, and every piece of dirt sticks to sweat.

Back to our subjcect, what do we do with all these expectations? Well, I haven't totally figured that out yet. What do YOU do?  I am guessing that at the root of the matter is obedience to God. Every decision we make can be criticized by someone.  Being a foreigner in a host country, I am always going to be different, no matter how good I get at making Arroz con pollo.  So I need to accept fact that and put my energy somewhere that really matters.  For example, in spending time before God asking him for the next step, for wisdom, for help in making all those parenting decisions that weigh on me, for patience and love, and how I should spend my days.

Although I know in my head that the only person I need to please all the time is God, walking that out can be complicated.  From what I hear other moms saying, I think most of us find it complicated.  Right now, all I can do is trust that my Shepherd knows where we are going and keep following.

How to, part 2

 

In my last post I talked about some ideas to help you take your kids along on outreach trips.  Most of it was practical, and there was one more point I wanted to make.

Overall, you need to believe that what you are doing matters, and YOU matter.  You are an important part of what God is doing on earth.  It doesn't matter if you spend a great portion of your time changing diapers, or taking toddlers to outhouses, or attempting to clean toddlers up after meals, with no available running water.  It doesn't matter if you don't ever show up for the "ministry activities".  It doesn't matter if the team wonders why you came along, or if your husband doesn't have time to or energy to thank you for your presence and affirm you.

You do matter.

Listen to God, and if he tells you to go, than go.  Go knowing that you are sent by him.

Sometimes you may see the fruit of your efforts, and sometimes not.  Your three year old may not say, "Gee mom, thanks for giving me this once in a lifetime opportunity that is expanding my world, teaching me compassion, and honing my Spanish skills."  But you have to believe (and I do to) that it's going to be worth it.

Maybe that woman who came up to talk to you would have been intimitated if it wasn't for the baby in your arms.  Maybe your hosts will be inspired by seeing a couple commited to making their marriage last.  Maybe a young mom will see an example in how your family interacts.  Maybe a couple contemplating going into ministry will see your example and believe it's possible.

And you may not see any of those things.  But you have to believe that if God called your family, and you, and your kids, then it is worth it.  You are worth it.  You are an important part of the team, even when they complain about the baby crying in the middle of the night, or get frustrated with your toddler's temper tantrum.  Even when YOU want to join in the crying, or just give up.

Especially when no one else is telling you this, you need to remember it.  God has called you, and that makes what you do worthy, important, even vital.  Believe that and you can get through anything.

How to take your kids with you (or, how to still want to be a missionary after an outreach with kids)

Any mom who has attempted to take babies or small children on a missions outreach has found that it is no easy task. In fact, it can bring you to tears, and make you wonder why you ever came.

We travel a lot with our 2 and 4 year olds, and almost all of that is in the context of missions outreaches, lots of it in small indigenous villages where there may or may not be electricity, running water, a toilet, or any other comfort that we are used to at home.

I have found some things that have worked for me, and some that haven't.  I wanted to share what has worked. These ideas may or may not apply to your family, depending on your kid's ages, personalities, and your outreach locations.  But I hope you see a couple of ideas that could help you.

 

These are in no particular order.....

1.  Pray and ask God if you are supposed to go on this particular outreach.  If you are SURE you are supposed to be there, you can put up with a whole lot. I would even ask God to show you some specific goals you should have during the outreach.  It could be anything from connecting with native mothers, to teaching your kids about water safety.  Make sure that your goals are realistic. If you have two toddlers and your goal is to preach 20 sermons, you may end up pretty disapointed.

 

2.  Find out as much as you can about the outreach location ahead of time. When Princess was a baby, I would only go places that I or Alex had been before. That way, I knew what I needed to bring, and how to prepare.  Will there be running water, toilets, showers?  A place to wash diapers?  Should you bring a tent, a mosquito net?  What kind of bugs should you be prepared for? 

Just knowing that I will have to deal with the "chitras" (biting flies) in the village of Platanares, makes it easier to plan since I know I will need to bring long pants and long sleeved shirts for all.  If you will be washing by hand, bring only light materials.  Find out if a stroller would be a help or a hindrance, etc.

3.  Think carefully about toys and games you want to take along.  I usually don't bring along any favorite toys, unless they have one they can't live without. I am much more relaxed if I am not worrying about them losing a favorite toy.  It's also best to not to bring anything that will be ruined if one piece is lost (like a puzzle).  I have found that things like sticker books, where it's all in one piece, work well.  Also make sure that they have activities they don't need your help with.  Unless you have a lot more patience than me, your going to lose it about the 20th time your toddler needs help with a game, especially if you have another 10 hours of travel ahead of you.  I like to get a couple of dollar store toys before a trip, that way they always have something to play with, and it's no big deal if they don't make it home with us.

 

4.  When you find something that amuses your kids, just go with it.  On a recent trip we found a little stream 5 minutes from the house we were staying at, that had a little pool just the size for the girls.  They loved it!  It helped us deal with the heat, the mosquito bites, and boredom.  Even though I felt a little guilty slipping out of the ministry activities to take the girls down there, it kept them happy, and kept me sane.  Whether it's playing in the dirt, a puppy, a hammock, running around a house, or going to the river again, embrace anything that your kids enjoy. They are putting up with long travel, mosquitos, sleeping away from home, and a million other discomforts,  Let them have fun. It will keep you sane as well.

5.  As much as possible, try to brush off complaints and comments from others.  Especially if those traveling with you aren't yet parents, there is no way they can understand what it's like to be traveling with little ones.  So when someone comments about "someone's baby" who was crying last night, just ignore it.  Give yourself grace, give your kids grace, and give grace to those who don't understand.  Try to catch yourself if you are being harder on your kids just because others are watching.

 

6.  I have said this before, and it deserves repeating; give yourself grace.  What you are doing IS NOT easy.  You are courageously stepping out and believing God will take of you and your family. You are not sitting comfortably at home with every convience close at hand. It is going to be hard. Give yourself grace when you lose it, when you need to cry, and when you need some help.

7.  Give your kids grace.  If your toddler decides to revert to diapers, or needs their binky back, give them grace.  Traveling is stressful, even for adults, and kids deal with that stress to. Give them grace when they are throwing a temper tantrum just when you need them to behave for your hosts.  Be understanding when they refuse to say thank you, to sit through another service, or be quiet on a bus ride.  Sometimes you will just want to dig a hole and crawl in, and try not to be harsher on your kids just because their behavior is embarssing for you.  Remember that YOU decided to do this trip, and not them. It's okay to have expectations for them, just make sure one of those isn't perfect behavior.

 

8.  Give grace to your husband. He is under a lot of stress to, especially if he is leading the outreach, or preaching every evening, or visiting all day.  Ask for help if you need it, but remember that sometimes he just won't be able to pitch in.

9.  Look for ways your kids can minister.... or not.  Okay, here I am going to qualify this.  I hear lots of people talk about getting kids invovled in ministry, like having them sing a song at the church service, present a drama, pass out tracts to other kids, etc.  I think that's all well and good, but realistictly, that may not be possible. It really depends on your circumstances: how many kids you have, their ages, how busy the ministry schedule is, what your housing, bathing, and washing instalations are like, and how much time a day you are spending feeding, bathing, and keeping your kids alive.  Sometimes that may take up 100% of your energy.  If so, go to bed at night congratulating yourself that you got through another day.

And if you have extra energy, and your kids do too, go ahead and get them involved.  Just keep your expectations realistic. For little ones, just sitting in on a ministry activity may be enough to expect.  Take it one step at a time.

10.Decide what your non-nogociables are.  Remember that you are going to have to be flexible about almost everything, so make sure these are realistic. A couple of mine are that the girls always wear life jackets on boat trips, and that I never leave them with anyone but close, trusted friends.  Knowing that was a non-negotiable helped me keep firm when my 3 year old threw a 2 hour long fit over her life jacket.  We were out on the ocean, and I wasn't going to budge, even though I am sure everyone else on the boat was fed up.

 

11.Know when to say no, and when to quit. Sometimes everyone, including your husband, is going to want you to go along. And sometimes, you may have to say no, because you know your own limits, and you know you've reached it. Sometimes, you may be in the middle of a trip and may realize you can't go on. That's not a failure. That's just reality of mixing motherhood and missions. Just accept it and move on.

About a year and a half ago, we were near the end of a two month outreach with our then 3 and 1 year old. My husband was leading the outreach team and was extremely busy. Our outreach location had been mostly remote villages. The first place we visited had no running water, and the river was flooded and muddy. Did I mention the biting flies and the fact that our house had no outhouse and a large rat population? My kids got sick several times with several ailments. Finally, I got sick with a cold I couldn't shake, and there was no chance to rest. The team was moving every couple of days and I just couldn't keep up. I ended up taking an all night bus back to Panama City with my two little ones, and feeling like I had failed by not finishing the outreach.

I stayed home the whole next week doing nothing but trying to get some rest and get over my cold. And by the time my husband and the team returned, I knew I had made the right choice.

 

Finally, celebrate your family, and what God has called you to do.  Keep your eyes on that, even through those 2 AM screaming sessions when you really wish it was someone else's baby crying.  Remember how significant your call is, and how significant YOU are.  And keep going!

 

What would you add? 

The least of these

It's the Christmas season and so the Christian radio station I usually listen to online is playing all Christmas music. Which I don't really mind, but it does make you think a lot about Jesus coming, and its meaning, and what it might have been like for those involved. What was it like for the shepherds to see those angels? What did Joseph feel as he and Mary searched for a place to stay, her in labor? (By the way, I don't believe, as some traditions state, that Joseph asked for a place only for his wife. Leave her alone in a house full of strangers? Doesn't seem safe to me. And if I were Mary, I would have INSISTED that we find a place for both of us. Just my opinion).

And of course, many songs talk about Mary, contemplating Jesus face and knowing that he was God. And I thought, "what an amazing opportunity to show devotion to God!" Wouldn't it be amazing to be caring for this little person, knowing that he was God in human form, and that YOU of all people got to express your love for him every minute of every day by caring for this sweet little baby?

As I sat thinking this, suddenly a verse from the Bible came into my mind... "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto me." What a second.... what does that mean? Jesus takes very personally the way we treat little ones. In fact, he considers our treatment of them, to be our treatment of him!

Suddenly I am honored and a little afraid. You mean Mary wasn't the only mother who cared for a baby, knowing that she was expressing her love directly to God? Jesus takes the treatment of "the least of these" that seriously.

What an amazing thought. Motherhood takes on a whole other quality to it when you think of it in those terms. I may be getting my kids lunch, be Jesus considers that as significant as if I were offering HIM food. I may be sitting by my daughter's bed as she goes to sleep, but I am actually sitting at the service of Jesus. And those hugs and words of comfort, and care that makes up my day, the Lord looks at it and takes it to heart.

I have heard messages to moms before, where people stated, "you can do anything, even care for your children, as if it was worship to God." But this goes beyond that. It's not "as if" it were worship, it IS worship. Motherhood is devotion, and service, directly to Jesus, through those little ones.

While I consider motherhood to be quite significant, I think this takes it to a whole new level.

Today...

Today was....

Being woken by my two year old, "mommy, sun come out!  Time wake up!"

Grabbing a few more minutes sleep on the couch while she played with her princess toys.  Then breakfast and a quiet time with the tea I brought from Oregon.

Sidewalk chalk on the living room floor (what's the fun of having a rough cement floor if you don't break out the chalk now and then?)  Learning letters, drawing butterflies, playing hopscotch.  Then out came the brooms, the scrub brush, the hose, and we washed away all the chalk and mud from the last month.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Taking advantage of the beautiful sun to wash and dry some clothes.  Washing all the sheets again and praying the lice are gone for good.  Looking at the sky and wondering if maybe the sun is here to stay and summer will come early this year.

The weather makes it feel like Christmas is just around the corner.

Cleaning done, the girls play school with our neighbor's daughter, making "letters" and drawings and folding them up and delivering them to me.  "For you Mommy!"

Alex called this afternoon, rushed, on someone else's cell phone, probably up on some hill or around the bend on the river where you could sometimes get a cell phone signal. One of the team members is sick and they will be taking an early boat tomorrow morning, at 4:00 am.   Making plans for getting the house nice and clean tomorrow and having a good lunch waiting for them when they arrive.

Walking slowly to the store in the fading sunlight, to buy milk and just to get out of the house.  Walking at a two year olds pace.  Hoping the girls go to sleep easily tonight and that tomorrow comes soon. 

Thankful for another day, for the sun, and for my little sunshines...

Preschool at our house

After making the decision to homeschool, I soon learned that preschool at home means different things to different people.  I am definatley on the relaxed side of preschooling at home.  I was surprised to learn that some people felt it important to show others how much they can teach their kids at home; having them reading at 4, knowing that alphabet by 2, and much more. 

I am not part of that camp.  In my mind, there will be plenty of time for stressing about school when they are older and it matters a lot more.  For now, we have fun, try to keep each other entertained, and don't sweat it when we are too busy or too tired.

Here's a look at what we do....

 

Crafts and more crafts.  They just have to be fun, they don't have to be "educational".  We keep doing them as long as the girls are interested and stop when they are bored.  If they don't want to do the craft the way I had planned, we change plans.  If they want to make dinosaurs instead of flowers, that's fine.  If everything, even the sky, needs to be pink, that's fine too.

Paper crowns: hours of fun.

Actually drawing now, not just scribbles!

Making hearts with paper bits... everything pink, of course!

Chalk on black paper.

The chalk then ended up all over! 

Getting creative with popsicle sticks.  They made this one up on their own.



One of my very favorites, sensory bins. This is a portable one I made right before we moved.  It's just a tackle box with some dried rice and beans, a couple of little dishes and spoons.  She's making dinner for the baby.



This is a bigger version we did several months ago, tons of fun!

 

I just let them go wild with shaving cream.  As you can see, it was a big hit.



 Fun on the road.  We travel a lot so I look for coloring and sticker books that we can easily take along.

Helping in the garden is always fun and I try to talk about what is going on and how plants grow. Here we are harvesting pigeon peas.

This was a simple graphing activity that I found on www.1plus1plus1equals1.com, she really got into.  All you have to do is make a dice, then roll it and graph the results.



It also involved physical activity as she "rolled" it across the room.

Painting more activities from www.1plus1plus1equals1.com, we use lots of stuff from this website, it's lots of fun.

Finger puppets!

Another fun printable activity I found, I can't remember where.  She has to sequence the pictures from small to large.

So there are some glimpses of how we do preschool!  Again, we keep it relaxed and fun, they have so much to learn at this age, that I don't want to waste time pushing academics they aren't inerested in, or aren't ready for yet. 

Preschool is fun, it's keeping their minds busy, it's explkoring, it's learning to be curious.