Raising kids across cultures

Raising kids is a tricky business. However, our cultures let us know what is expected and what is normal. Things like: where should the baby sleep? Till what age should they nurse? When should they potty train? How should they be disciiplined?

While each culture has variations, you realize the things that we DO agree on when you find yourself in the midst of a culture that thinks you are an oddity.

Sometimes the things people assume you are doing are more amusing than the things the surprised you aren't. Like the relative that asked if I had got an operation after my first child was born. I guess her thinking was: American= rich and educated= only one child? Not quite sure about that one. I also got MANY surprised comments that I wasn't using formula. Rich people can buy formula, and you are American, right?

I can read every parenting book, and do everything the way you are "supposed to" in the States, and still be thought of as wierd here.

One example: hats. Babies are supposed to wear hats ALL the time. No matter how hot the weather. I didn't even make it out of the hospital with my new baby before a kindly woman stopped me and told me to put a hat on her so that she wouldn't get an infection through her head. My baby dressed for the weather and got many disaproving looks.

Another interesting one is potty training. I read recently that the average age for children to be fully potty trained in the States right now is 36 months. When my daughter was three MONTHS old, a friend told me she was ready to go without diapers. The indigenous ladies are masters at reading their babies and can tell when they have to go. To me, it makes total sense. Every wet cloth diaper has to be hauled down to the river and washed by hand, then hung out to dry in a country that has a 9 month rainy season. It's a whole lot easier to wash a small pair of underwear and splash some water on the floor slats. If you happen to be outside (which children tend to be most of the time) even better. A totally logical system.

That is, totally logical until you are taken out of your world into another. In the States, many kids go to daycare or preschool. I imagine a daycare worker would not be so nonchalant about a kid peeing on the floor as they would here. Even at home, people have carpets, and colder weather means more clothes to change if accidents happen. Keeping kids in diapers makes sense.

This past Sunday a relative asked if Rose was potty trained yet. I said no, a little sheepishly, knowing they would think it was odd. After all, she is 21 months old. So we stick out here.

Alex's family thought we were terribly mean to make our poor, defenseless babies sleep in a crib all by themselves. American friends disaproved of that fact that occasionally, the baby does end up in the bed for the remainder of the night.

Understanding the logic of each system helps me to accept them both, and find a peace in accepting some of this, and some of that. After all, our family is a mix of two cultures. I understand why a Wounaan mom would sleep with baby close by her side (the only safe place for a baby to be in a raised, wall-less hut). And I continue doing things that don't make sense to those around me, accepting that our family WILL be different. I only hope that those differences will not be too great to find common ground with my Panamanian sisters, and that occasionally, we can learn from each other.