How to take your kids with you (or, how to still want to be a missionary after an outreach with kids)

Any mom who has attempted to take babies or small children on a missions outreach has found that it is no easy task. In fact, it can bring you to tears, and make you wonder why you ever came.

We travel a lot with our 2 and 4 year olds, and almost all of that is in the context of missions outreaches, lots of it in small indigenous villages where there may or may not be electricity, running water, a toilet, or any other comfort that we are used to at home.

I have found some things that have worked for me, and some that haven't.  I wanted to share what has worked. These ideas may or may not apply to your family, depending on your kid's ages, personalities, and your outreach locations.  But I hope you see a couple of ideas that could help you.

 

These are in no particular order.....

1.  Pray and ask God if you are supposed to go on this particular outreach.  If you are SURE you are supposed to be there, you can put up with a whole lot. I would even ask God to show you some specific goals you should have during the outreach.  It could be anything from connecting with native mothers, to teaching your kids about water safety.  Make sure that your goals are realistic. If you have two toddlers and your goal is to preach 20 sermons, you may end up pretty disapointed.

 

2.  Find out as much as you can about the outreach location ahead of time. When Princess was a baby, I would only go places that I or Alex had been before. That way, I knew what I needed to bring, and how to prepare.  Will there be running water, toilets, showers?  A place to wash diapers?  Should you bring a tent, a mosquito net?  What kind of bugs should you be prepared for? 

Just knowing that I will have to deal with the "chitras" (biting flies) in the village of Platanares, makes it easier to plan since I know I will need to bring long pants and long sleeved shirts for all.  If you will be washing by hand, bring only light materials.  Find out if a stroller would be a help or a hindrance, etc.

3.  Think carefully about toys and games you want to take along.  I usually don't bring along any favorite toys, unless they have one they can't live without. I am much more relaxed if I am not worrying about them losing a favorite toy.  It's also best to not to bring anything that will be ruined if one piece is lost (like a puzzle).  I have found that things like sticker books, where it's all in one piece, work well.  Also make sure that they have activities they don't need your help with.  Unless you have a lot more patience than me, your going to lose it about the 20th time your toddler needs help with a game, especially if you have another 10 hours of travel ahead of you.  I like to get a couple of dollar store toys before a trip, that way they always have something to play with, and it's no big deal if they don't make it home with us.

 

4.  When you find something that amuses your kids, just go with it.  On a recent trip we found a little stream 5 minutes from the house we were staying at, that had a little pool just the size for the girls.  They loved it!  It helped us deal with the heat, the mosquito bites, and boredom.  Even though I felt a little guilty slipping out of the ministry activities to take the girls down there, it kept them happy, and kept me sane.  Whether it's playing in the dirt, a puppy, a hammock, running around a house, or going to the river again, embrace anything that your kids enjoy. They are putting up with long travel, mosquitos, sleeping away from home, and a million other discomforts,  Let them have fun. It will keep you sane as well.

5.  As much as possible, try to brush off complaints and comments from others.  Especially if those traveling with you aren't yet parents, there is no way they can understand what it's like to be traveling with little ones.  So when someone comments about "someone's baby" who was crying last night, just ignore it.  Give yourself grace, give your kids grace, and give grace to those who don't understand.  Try to catch yourself if you are being harder on your kids just because others are watching.

 

6.  I have said this before, and it deserves repeating; give yourself grace.  What you are doing IS NOT easy.  You are courageously stepping out and believing God will take of you and your family. You are not sitting comfortably at home with every convience close at hand. It is going to be hard. Give yourself grace when you lose it, when you need to cry, and when you need some help.

7.  Give your kids grace.  If your toddler decides to revert to diapers, or needs their binky back, give them grace.  Traveling is stressful, even for adults, and kids deal with that stress to. Give them grace when they are throwing a temper tantrum just when you need them to behave for your hosts.  Be understanding when they refuse to say thank you, to sit through another service, or be quiet on a bus ride.  Sometimes you will just want to dig a hole and crawl in, and try not to be harsher on your kids just because their behavior is embarssing for you.  Remember that YOU decided to do this trip, and not them. It's okay to have expectations for them, just make sure one of those isn't perfect behavior.

 

8.  Give grace to your husband. He is under a lot of stress to, especially if he is leading the outreach, or preaching every evening, or visiting all day.  Ask for help if you need it, but remember that sometimes he just won't be able to pitch in.

9.  Look for ways your kids can minister.... or not.  Okay, here I am going to qualify this.  I hear lots of people talk about getting kids invovled in ministry, like having them sing a song at the church service, present a drama, pass out tracts to other kids, etc.  I think that's all well and good, but realistictly, that may not be possible. It really depends on your circumstances: how many kids you have, their ages, how busy the ministry schedule is, what your housing, bathing, and washing instalations are like, and how much time a day you are spending feeding, bathing, and keeping your kids alive.  Sometimes that may take up 100% of your energy.  If so, go to bed at night congratulating yourself that you got through another day.

And if you have extra energy, and your kids do too, go ahead and get them involved.  Just keep your expectations realistic. For little ones, just sitting in on a ministry activity may be enough to expect.  Take it one step at a time.

10.Decide what your non-nogociables are.  Remember that you are going to have to be flexible about almost everything, so make sure these are realistic. A couple of mine are that the girls always wear life jackets on boat trips, and that I never leave them with anyone but close, trusted friends.  Knowing that was a non-negotiable helped me keep firm when my 3 year old threw a 2 hour long fit over her life jacket.  We were out on the ocean, and I wasn't going to budge, even though I am sure everyone else on the boat was fed up.

 

11.Know when to say no, and when to quit. Sometimes everyone, including your husband, is going to want you to go along. And sometimes, you may have to say no, because you know your own limits, and you know you've reached it. Sometimes, you may be in the middle of a trip and may realize you can't go on. That's not a failure. That's just reality of mixing motherhood and missions. Just accept it and move on.

About a year and a half ago, we were near the end of a two month outreach with our then 3 and 1 year old. My husband was leading the outreach team and was extremely busy. Our outreach location had been mostly remote villages. The first place we visited had no running water, and the river was flooded and muddy. Did I mention the biting flies and the fact that our house had no outhouse and a large rat population? My kids got sick several times with several ailments. Finally, I got sick with a cold I couldn't shake, and there was no chance to rest. The team was moving every couple of days and I just couldn't keep up. I ended up taking an all night bus back to Panama City with my two little ones, and feeling like I had failed by not finishing the outreach.

I stayed home the whole next week doing nothing but trying to get some rest and get over my cold. And by the time my husband and the team returned, I knew I had made the right choice.

 

Finally, celebrate your family, and what God has called you to do.  Keep your eyes on that, even through those 2 AM screaming sessions when you really wish it was someone else's baby crying.  Remember how significant your call is, and how significant YOU are.  And keep going!

 

What would you add?