How to, part 2

 

In my last post I talked about some ideas to help you take your kids along on outreach trips.  Most of it was practical, and there was one more point I wanted to make.

Overall, you need to believe that what you are doing matters, and YOU matter.  You are an important part of what God is doing on earth.  It doesn't matter if you spend a great portion of your time changing diapers, or taking toddlers to outhouses, or attempting to clean toddlers up after meals, with no available running water.  It doesn't matter if you don't ever show up for the "ministry activities".  It doesn't matter if the team wonders why you came along, or if your husband doesn't have time to or energy to thank you for your presence and affirm you.

You do matter.

Listen to God, and if he tells you to go, than go.  Go knowing that you are sent by him.

Sometimes you may see the fruit of your efforts, and sometimes not.  Your three year old may not say, "Gee mom, thanks for giving me this once in a lifetime opportunity that is expanding my world, teaching me compassion, and honing my Spanish skills."  But you have to believe (and I do to) that it's going to be worth it.

Maybe that woman who came up to talk to you would have been intimitated if it wasn't for the baby in your arms.  Maybe your hosts will be inspired by seeing a couple commited to making their marriage last.  Maybe a young mom will see an example in how your family interacts.  Maybe a couple contemplating going into ministry will see your example and believe it's possible.

And you may not see any of those things.  But you have to believe that if God called your family, and you, and your kids, then it is worth it.  You are worth it.  You are an important part of the team, even when they complain about the baby crying in the middle of the night, or get frustrated with your toddler's temper tantrum.  Even when YOU want to join in the crying, or just give up.

Especially when no one else is telling you this, you need to remember it.  God has called you, and that makes what you do worthy, important, even vital.  Believe that and you can get through anything.

How to take your kids with you (or, how to still want to be a missionary after an outreach with kids)

Any mom who has attempted to take babies or small children on a missions outreach has found that it is no easy task. In fact, it can bring you to tears, and make you wonder why you ever came.

We travel a lot with our 2 and 4 year olds, and almost all of that is in the context of missions outreaches, lots of it in small indigenous villages where there may or may not be electricity, running water, a toilet, or any other comfort that we are used to at home.

I have found some things that have worked for me, and some that haven't.  I wanted to share what has worked. These ideas may or may not apply to your family, depending on your kid's ages, personalities, and your outreach locations.  But I hope you see a couple of ideas that could help you.

 

These are in no particular order.....

1.  Pray and ask God if you are supposed to go on this particular outreach.  If you are SURE you are supposed to be there, you can put up with a whole lot. I would even ask God to show you some specific goals you should have during the outreach.  It could be anything from connecting with native mothers, to teaching your kids about water safety.  Make sure that your goals are realistic. If you have two toddlers and your goal is to preach 20 sermons, you may end up pretty disapointed.

 

2.  Find out as much as you can about the outreach location ahead of time. When Princess was a baby, I would only go places that I or Alex had been before. That way, I knew what I needed to bring, and how to prepare.  Will there be running water, toilets, showers?  A place to wash diapers?  Should you bring a tent, a mosquito net?  What kind of bugs should you be prepared for? 

Just knowing that I will have to deal with the "chitras" (biting flies) in the village of Platanares, makes it easier to plan since I know I will need to bring long pants and long sleeved shirts for all.  If you will be washing by hand, bring only light materials.  Find out if a stroller would be a help or a hindrance, etc.

3.  Think carefully about toys and games you want to take along.  I usually don't bring along any favorite toys, unless they have one they can't live without. I am much more relaxed if I am not worrying about them losing a favorite toy.  It's also best to not to bring anything that will be ruined if one piece is lost (like a puzzle).  I have found that things like sticker books, where it's all in one piece, work well.  Also make sure that they have activities they don't need your help with.  Unless you have a lot more patience than me, your going to lose it about the 20th time your toddler needs help with a game, especially if you have another 10 hours of travel ahead of you.  I like to get a couple of dollar store toys before a trip, that way they always have something to play with, and it's no big deal if they don't make it home with us.

 

4.  When you find something that amuses your kids, just go with it.  On a recent trip we found a little stream 5 minutes from the house we were staying at, that had a little pool just the size for the girls.  They loved it!  It helped us deal with the heat, the mosquito bites, and boredom.  Even though I felt a little guilty slipping out of the ministry activities to take the girls down there, it kept them happy, and kept me sane.  Whether it's playing in the dirt, a puppy, a hammock, running around a house, or going to the river again, embrace anything that your kids enjoy. They are putting up with long travel, mosquitos, sleeping away from home, and a million other discomforts,  Let them have fun. It will keep you sane as well.

5.  As much as possible, try to brush off complaints and comments from others.  Especially if those traveling with you aren't yet parents, there is no way they can understand what it's like to be traveling with little ones.  So when someone comments about "someone's baby" who was crying last night, just ignore it.  Give yourself grace, give your kids grace, and give grace to those who don't understand.  Try to catch yourself if you are being harder on your kids just because others are watching.

 

6.  I have said this before, and it deserves repeating; give yourself grace.  What you are doing IS NOT easy.  You are courageously stepping out and believing God will take of you and your family. You are not sitting comfortably at home with every convience close at hand. It is going to be hard. Give yourself grace when you lose it, when you need to cry, and when you need some help.

7.  Give your kids grace.  If your toddler decides to revert to diapers, or needs their binky back, give them grace.  Traveling is stressful, even for adults, and kids deal with that stress to. Give them grace when they are throwing a temper tantrum just when you need them to behave for your hosts.  Be understanding when they refuse to say thank you, to sit through another service, or be quiet on a bus ride.  Sometimes you will just want to dig a hole and crawl in, and try not to be harsher on your kids just because their behavior is embarssing for you.  Remember that YOU decided to do this trip, and not them. It's okay to have expectations for them, just make sure one of those isn't perfect behavior.

 

8.  Give grace to your husband. He is under a lot of stress to, especially if he is leading the outreach, or preaching every evening, or visiting all day.  Ask for help if you need it, but remember that sometimes he just won't be able to pitch in.

9.  Look for ways your kids can minister.... or not.  Okay, here I am going to qualify this.  I hear lots of people talk about getting kids invovled in ministry, like having them sing a song at the church service, present a drama, pass out tracts to other kids, etc.  I think that's all well and good, but realistictly, that may not be possible. It really depends on your circumstances: how many kids you have, their ages, how busy the ministry schedule is, what your housing, bathing, and washing instalations are like, and how much time a day you are spending feeding, bathing, and keeping your kids alive.  Sometimes that may take up 100% of your energy.  If so, go to bed at night congratulating yourself that you got through another day.

And if you have extra energy, and your kids do too, go ahead and get them involved.  Just keep your expectations realistic. For little ones, just sitting in on a ministry activity may be enough to expect.  Take it one step at a time.

10.Decide what your non-nogociables are.  Remember that you are going to have to be flexible about almost everything, so make sure these are realistic. A couple of mine are that the girls always wear life jackets on boat trips, and that I never leave them with anyone but close, trusted friends.  Knowing that was a non-negotiable helped me keep firm when my 3 year old threw a 2 hour long fit over her life jacket.  We were out on the ocean, and I wasn't going to budge, even though I am sure everyone else on the boat was fed up.

 

11.Know when to say no, and when to quit. Sometimes everyone, including your husband, is going to want you to go along. And sometimes, you may have to say no, because you know your own limits, and you know you've reached it. Sometimes, you may be in the middle of a trip and may realize you can't go on. That's not a failure. That's just reality of mixing motherhood and missions. Just accept it and move on.

About a year and a half ago, we were near the end of a two month outreach with our then 3 and 1 year old. My husband was leading the outreach team and was extremely busy. Our outreach location had been mostly remote villages. The first place we visited had no running water, and the river was flooded and muddy. Did I mention the biting flies and the fact that our house had no outhouse and a large rat population? My kids got sick several times with several ailments. Finally, I got sick with a cold I couldn't shake, and there was no chance to rest. The team was moving every couple of days and I just couldn't keep up. I ended up taking an all night bus back to Panama City with my two little ones, and feeling like I had failed by not finishing the outreach.

I stayed home the whole next week doing nothing but trying to get some rest and get over my cold. And by the time my husband and the team returned, I knew I had made the right choice.

 

Finally, celebrate your family, and what God has called you to do.  Keep your eyes on that, even through those 2 AM screaming sessions when you really wish it was someone else's baby crying.  Remember how significant your call is, and how significant YOU are.  And keep going!

 

What would you add? 

The least of these

It's the Christmas season and so the Christian radio station I usually listen to online is playing all Christmas music. Which I don't really mind, but it does make you think a lot about Jesus coming, and its meaning, and what it might have been like for those involved. What was it like for the shepherds to see those angels? What did Joseph feel as he and Mary searched for a place to stay, her in labor? (By the way, I don't believe, as some traditions state, that Joseph asked for a place only for his wife. Leave her alone in a house full of strangers? Doesn't seem safe to me. And if I were Mary, I would have INSISTED that we find a place for both of us. Just my opinion).

And of course, many songs talk about Mary, contemplating Jesus face and knowing that he was God. And I thought, "what an amazing opportunity to show devotion to God!" Wouldn't it be amazing to be caring for this little person, knowing that he was God in human form, and that YOU of all people got to express your love for him every minute of every day by caring for this sweet little baby?

As I sat thinking this, suddenly a verse from the Bible came into my mind... "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto me." What a second.... what does that mean? Jesus takes very personally the way we treat little ones. In fact, he considers our treatment of them, to be our treatment of him!

Suddenly I am honored and a little afraid. You mean Mary wasn't the only mother who cared for a baby, knowing that she was expressing her love directly to God? Jesus takes the treatment of "the least of these" that seriously.

What an amazing thought. Motherhood takes on a whole other quality to it when you think of it in those terms. I may be getting my kids lunch, be Jesus considers that as significant as if I were offering HIM food. I may be sitting by my daughter's bed as she goes to sleep, but I am actually sitting at the service of Jesus. And those hugs and words of comfort, and care that makes up my day, the Lord looks at it and takes it to heart.

I have heard messages to moms before, where people stated, "you can do anything, even care for your children, as if it was worship to God." But this goes beyond that. It's not "as if" it were worship, it IS worship. Motherhood is devotion, and service, directly to Jesus, through those little ones.

While I consider motherhood to be quite significant, I think this takes it to a whole new level.

Today...

Today was....

Being woken by my two year old, "mommy, sun come out!  Time wake up!"

Grabbing a few more minutes sleep on the couch while she played with her princess toys.  Then breakfast and a quiet time with the tea I brought from Oregon.

Sidewalk chalk on the living room floor (what's the fun of having a rough cement floor if you don't break out the chalk now and then?)  Learning letters, drawing butterflies, playing hopscotch.  Then out came the brooms, the scrub brush, the hose, and we washed away all the chalk and mud from the last month.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Taking advantage of the beautiful sun to wash and dry some clothes.  Washing all the sheets again and praying the lice are gone for good.  Looking at the sky and wondering if maybe the sun is here to stay and summer will come early this year.

The weather makes it feel like Christmas is just around the corner.

Cleaning done, the girls play school with our neighbor's daughter, making "letters" and drawings and folding them up and delivering them to me.  "For you Mommy!"

Alex called this afternoon, rushed, on someone else's cell phone, probably up on some hill or around the bend on the river where you could sometimes get a cell phone signal. One of the team members is sick and they will be taking an early boat tomorrow morning, at 4:00 am.   Making plans for getting the house nice and clean tomorrow and having a good lunch waiting for them when they arrive.

Walking slowly to the store in the fading sunlight, to buy milk and just to get out of the house.  Walking at a two year olds pace.  Hoping the girls go to sleep easily tonight and that tomorrow comes soon. 

Thankful for another day, for the sun, and for my little sunshines...

Preschool at our house

After making the decision to homeschool, I soon learned that preschool at home means different things to different people.  I am definatley on the relaxed side of preschooling at home.  I was surprised to learn that some people felt it important to show others how much they can teach their kids at home; having them reading at 4, knowing that alphabet by 2, and much more. 

I am not part of that camp.  In my mind, there will be plenty of time for stressing about school when they are older and it matters a lot more.  For now, we have fun, try to keep each other entertained, and don't sweat it when we are too busy or too tired.

Here's a look at what we do....

 

Crafts and more crafts.  They just have to be fun, they don't have to be "educational".  We keep doing them as long as the girls are interested and stop when they are bored.  If they don't want to do the craft the way I had planned, we change plans.  If they want to make dinosaurs instead of flowers, that's fine.  If everything, even the sky, needs to be pink, that's fine too.

Paper crowns: hours of fun.

Actually drawing now, not just scribbles!

Making hearts with paper bits... everything pink, of course!

Chalk on black paper.

The chalk then ended up all over! 

Getting creative with popsicle sticks.  They made this one up on their own.



One of my very favorites, sensory bins. This is a portable one I made right before we moved.  It's just a tackle box with some dried rice and beans, a couple of little dishes and spoons.  She's making dinner for the baby.



This is a bigger version we did several months ago, tons of fun!

 

I just let them go wild with shaving cream.  As you can see, it was a big hit.



 Fun on the road.  We travel a lot so I look for coloring and sticker books that we can easily take along.

Helping in the garden is always fun and I try to talk about what is going on and how plants grow. Here we are harvesting pigeon peas.

This was a simple graphing activity that I found on www.1plus1plus1equals1.com, she really got into.  All you have to do is make a dice, then roll it and graph the results.



It also involved physical activity as she "rolled" it across the room.

Painting more activities from www.1plus1plus1equals1.com, we use lots of stuff from this website, it's lots of fun.

Finger puppets!

Another fun printable activity I found, I can't remember where.  She has to sequence the pictures from small to large.

So there are some glimpses of how we do preschool!  Again, we keep it relaxed and fun, they have so much to learn at this age, that I don't want to waste time pushing academics they aren't inerested in, or aren't ready for yet. 

Preschool is fun, it's keeping their minds busy, it's explkoring, it's learning to be curious.

Kids in missions

I have no idea if most missionary moms have the same doubts that I do.  I wonder how the realities of missionary life will affect my kids.  I wonder what the future brings for them.  I worry about their health, about their language learning, and about their future education.  I worry about the risks of modern life, about traveling on boats and with crazy bus drivers.  I worry about them growing up between different cultures, I worry about what they will learn from the neighbor kids, and about just about everything else  in life.

Perhaps it's just natural to worry as a mom, but I wonder if I worry more than some.  People tell me how wonderful they think it is that my kids have the opportunity to live in another country and learn mutliple languages.  Sometimes it's hard to see that when I am worrying about whether the drinking water is safe, or what to do about lice and skin fungus's that just love this tropical weather.

So today I want to write about the benefits of having kids as a missionary.  Besides all the worries that I mentioned, there is the simple fact that taking kids into the jungle, or even across town for a bible study, is a lot of work.  At this moment we are planning to travel over land to Nicaragua for a YWAM conference.  The trip will take about 3 days and I know that my nerves will be frazzles by the end of it.  So, what makes it all worth it, for both us and the kids who have no choice but to tag along with us?

To me, the first consideration is that God has called us as a family.  When he put in my heart the desire to work with the indigenous people, all those years ago when I made my first visit to an indigenous village, he already knew that I was going to get married and have kids.  So at some point I have to trust that he knows what he is doing, and is able to guide Alex and I in what is best.  I may ask in some situations what is best for them, but it's certainly not in their best interest for us to ignore what God wants us to do.

In working with indigenous people, whether here in town, or out in the small villages, family is central to their lives. The first question you will be asked is about your family.  Having kids not only orients you in the way things should be (existing in the context of family), but there is something that you can immediately relate to.  Babies speak the universal language.  When other women see you in the context of motherhood, you aren't just a foreigner who has come to teach them something. You are a fellow mother who knows what it's like to experience labor pains, go through morning sickness, get up with a fussy baby in the middle of the night, and correct a sassy two-year-old.

It also keeps me humble.  I realize that I don' t have all the answers.  Yesterday, when a toddler starting throwing a tantrum in the middle of the Bible study I was teaching, rather than feeling annoyance, I felt compassion.  I have been there.  It's not easy to keep a one year old quiet for two hours.

Also, having traveled with my kids to the small villages, and lived in jungle conditions, I know how hard it is to keep kids healthy in those conditions.  Yesterday, after the Bible study, Alina, who leads it, showed me some pictures from her recent trip to one of the coastal Wounaan villages.  All the kids are sick with skin infections because of the unclean water.  As she showed me the pictures, I remembered the terrible infection that Princess got last year when we were at that very village.  Before I had kids, my thoughts would have been judgemental, "why can't those moms keep their kids cleaner?"  But now I thought about how I had struggled to keep my kids clean, and applied antibiotic oinment every day, to no avail.

I can't tell you how many conversations have been started by my kids.  Just having a baby in your arms makes up for any lack of social skills.  Once you have a starting place, it's easy to build a friendship.

I have often been amazing at what our girls have put up with.  Two years ago, when Rose was just a baby, we traveled by boat over the ocean for several hours. Not only was the ocean rough that day, but halfway through our journey we ran into a tropical downpour.  I struggled to protect Rose from the rain, between a plastic bag and a borrowed umbrella.  My whole body ached from the bouncing of the motor boat, I was shivered from the cold rain, and the point of land we were trying to reach didn't seem to be getting any closer.  Rose, on the other hand, slept the whole time, and woke up in a good mood at the end of it.

Last year, while we were on our two month outreach, we ate a lot of fish, almost always served whole.  I was a little worried that Princess especially might be frightened (and grossed out) by the gapping mouth and huge eye staring up at her from her plate.  But she loved it!  She even discovered how tasty the fish eyes are, and now will cry if she's not given the head.  She's more of a trooper than I am.

Since we have decided to homeschool, I enjoy seeing all the opportunities to learn through our missionary experiences.  We have plenty of opportunities to interact with farm animals, though we don't own any ourselves.  Things like mountains, rivers, lakes, oceans, beaches, and forests can be seen firsthand.  They get to expereince different types of houses, people, and circumstances.  On our trip to Nicaragua they loved to see the ox drawn carts in the streets.

And I could write on and on about the benefits of being bi-lingual.

I guess I wrote this more to remind myself, than for anyone else.  Yes, my girls are giving up many things that kids back in Oregon may take for granted.  But they are receiving other treasures in return.  My prayer is that both they, and I would be grateful enough to see them every day.

Princess-isms

At the border of Costa Rica and Nicaragua, we hoped to run into the other group of YWAMers that was traveling from Panama to Nicaragua for our YWAM staff conference.

Mireya to Alex, "Tell me if you see a bunch of white people."

Princess, looking out the window, "I only see brown ones...."

Later, upon arriving at the conference, Princess sees a tall, very white, very blond young man.

"Daddy, Daddy!  I saw a white one!  I saw a white one!"

_______________________________

Later, Princess was chatting with a mom from Guatemala.

"Where are you from?"

Princess, "Margaritas de Chepo."

"Where is that?"

Princess, "Right next to a big mango tree."

"What country is it in?"  Princess wasn't sure.  "Is it Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Panama, Honduras?"

After thinking for a while. "I think Honduras."


oh, the things kids say....

Thoughts on moving your family

When we frist starting talking about moving here to Chepo, I was immediately worried about our daughters and how they would react to a big move.  I read advice on helping children deal with moving, and but much of it into practice; things like having a special treat waiting for them when we arrived.  And I read about how to help myself deal with moving into a new context,  particulary how to deal with culture shock.

So I thouht I would share some about what heped me  through this process.  Perhaps it can help some one who is in the middle of a move, especially a move across cultures.

The first advice I would give is to allow yourself time to ajsut.  For Alex, once the furniture was moved into the house and set up, he felt settled.  He was amongst his own people, and felt at home quickly.  The friendships he formed were rewarding, and the ministry opportunities encouraging.

While I was also excited about the ministry, and sure that this was the right thing for our family, adjusting to living in a new context was not so easy.  I struggled, wondering why I couldn't adjust so quickly.  But giving myself permission to go through the process helped immensly.

Looking back, I can laugh a little at our first month, and it's obvious why it was hard to settle in.

First of all, we were without electricity for the first three weeks.  Our evenings were spent in candle light, clothes were washed by hand, I couldn't use my coffee maker, or even our alarm clock.  I spent many evenings at home in a dark house with the girls while Alex was at church events.  One evening my candles burned down to nothing and I didn't have the flashlight with me.

Being without electricity wasn't all bad.  The girls spent their days running around in the yard since there were no movies to keep them inside.  And they got to bed early every night.  We even started a fun tradition with Abigail.  One evening I was looking for a  way to entertain Princess and I started telling her stories about when I was a little girl (reading by candle light was difficult).  She loved them so much that she now asks for them every night.

The other difficult thing was that I came down with a flu and spent the first week here out of commission.  It's hard to feel happy about being somewhere when you are laying on a coach, looking looking at mess all around you and too sick to do anything about it.

There were other adjustments as well.  Not having internet has made communication difficult.  And the constant presence of neighbors and neighborhood kids was hard to get used to.

But get used to it we did.  We learned that if we wanted to have a quiet morning at home, that we should leave the door locked.  And I learned that after chewing out the nighbors boys a couple of times over their misbehavior, they either stayed away or behaved themselves.

So my advice is to give yourself time.  Don't expect it to feel like home right away, or for that process to come easy for you.

I also think that there are things that you can do to help that process happen.  One was a piece of advice that I read in regards to dealing with culture shock.  And it said that to overcome culture shock, you should take small steps towards contentment.  To me that meant finding small things that I could change to make this feel more like home to me.  Even a small thing like hanging a mirror helped.

Along with that goes thankfulness.  For all the things that I couldn't change, I tried to still be thankful.  Even though our nieghbors are always around, I am glad that we get along with them. I am greatful for the free mangos we get, for living in a house that has a good roof that keeps the rain out, even if not all is as I would wish it.  I am thankful for all the people that God has put into our lives here, even if they don't really replace those friendships that we left behind.  I am thankful for the open doors, even though sometimes there are too many, and we are too busy. 

I am even thankful that while we were without internet, God provided good friends who were willing to share their internet, and a local business that offers internet for $.95 and hour.  I am thankful that we have gotten the rough cement floor of the house cleaned up enough that there isn't cement dust covering every inch of our house anymore.

I tried to pass on that thankfulness to our girls, even when I didn't totally feel it myself.  The first day, when I was overwelmed with a house full of furniture to be arranged, we found little things to be excited about.  Like the fact that the toilet is pink (Princess'  favorite color).  Even though I didn't feel very excited about anything at that moment, we made a big deal about how special it was to have a pink toilet.  While the girls enjoyed that, and running around the yard all day, they didn't notice all the amenities that our new house didn't have.  Home is home.  And this past weekend, when we went back for the first time to visit the YWAM base since we have left, I made sure to explain to them that we wre just going to visit, because our home was here now.  Princess asked why we wouldn't be moving back there.  And I was able to tell her with complete honesty:

"Because we like our new house, we are happy here."  It felt good to be able to say that.  Not just to say that God guided us to live here, or that we are here to teach Wounaan people about the Bible.  But that we want to be here because we like it.

I am sure that not all the adjustments have been made, and there will still be moments when I wish I was somewhere else. But this feels like home now. And that's a big step to have taken.

Moving thoughts

In the midst of the chaos and confusion of moving, these were the highlights:

• As soon as we started carrying stuff outside to get ready for the truck, the Orosco family showed up the help.  And Elaine made coffee for me!
• As soon as we pulled up to the new house, Yariani and her sister Evidelia were there to help us unload.
• Princess came running into the house to declare: "Mommy!  our good neighbor has a puppy!"  Ten minutes later she came to say, "I picked him up and he didn't bite me!"
• After we installed a couple of outdoor faucets, I came out to find both of the girls taking an impromptu outdoor shower.
• The first night, when we were going to shower, we discovered that the water comes out luke warm, not chilly like on our little mountain in Chilibre.  Abigail actually sang during her whole shower.
• As we were unpacking, somewone from the firestation came to inspect the wiring and approved it!  Any day now they should come and hook it up.
• The day after we moved, Fransisco and his family came and spent the morning with us, helping us unpack.  We felt very welcome.

Hopefully we will be all moved in soon and things will fall into a good routine. Looking forward to that day!

A family in transition

Every transition means stress, even good transitions.  We are in the midst of one of those transitions. Yesterday, after having spent two days in Chepo searching for a house, finally finding a house, and taking the leap of signing a six month contract, Alex and I arrived home exhausted.  Of course, the long bus rides didn't help.  But I think the emotional toll was about equal to the physical.

As we stopped for lunch on our way back, Alex and I talked about how much our life will soon be changing. We will miss the community life we have enjoyed in YWAM, though it wasn't always easy. We will miss the lovely house we have lived in these last 6 years, our little back yard with my garden and a swing set for the kids, donated by a friend last year.  Even little things like knowing the best supermarket in the area, and where to catch the bus.

Then we will face getting used to the new neighborhood, new stores, new everything.  And adjusting to a new rhythm of life.  Where we have been used to the structure of life on a YWAM base, we now will largely make our own schedules, and they will be filled with other things. Things like praying with someone in need, encouraging a brother, teaching, visiting, building relationships, and lots of prayer.  We will be in the community 24/7, not having the safety of the base to return to after a long outreach.

And yet we will have a home, a place to call our own (at least for the next 6 months!)  We will have new relationships, and new people to invest in.

All these changes seem bigger as I think of our two little girls who are on this adventure with us. They will undoubtedly miss their little friends, the playground on the base, and the only home they have every lived in.  Fearing their reaction only adds to my anxiety about the move.

I sat down one night at supper with Princess, and explained all about moving, what would happen, where we were going and why.  She accepted the news as if I had told her we were going shopping tomorrow.  That evening she promptly went to pack her back pack full of toys, and asked me if we were going to the new house now.  I tried to explain how long it would be until we moved, but time is a hard concept to grasp when you are only 3.  The next day she asked me if we were going to our new house "now?".

While we were in Chepo for a couple of days, she looked around the house where we were spending the night, and declared cheerfully, "I think I want to live here."  The next day, when the subject came up again, she asked if we were going to take "all her clothes?"  And my clothes?  And her toys?  And her books?

After I assured her we would take all that, she thought for a moment, and then stated emphatically, "I think my Peter Pan back pack is too small".  After I stopped chuckling, I told her that we were going to have other boxes, and everything would fit. (I just love the ways kids' minds work.)  She is definitely a planner, like me.

Rose is blissfully unaware of all this.  At two, she takes one day at a time.  Or perhaps it's more accurate to say one minute at a time.  She lives in the moment, and I don't think there's room in her mind yet for worries of tomorrow.  She knows that she enjoyed watching cartoons at the house we stayed at in Chepo, that she enjoys playing in the boxes, that she is tired of riding on this bus.  Beyond that, she just accepts life as it comes.

Yesterday as the owner showed us the house, she and Abigail were entertained; they found a dirt embankment to slide down.  I smiled watching them, reminded that kids will largely be happy anywhere.  Alex and I will be with them. In our home, in our family, they can find peace and protection.  Our new house may not be luxurious, but as long as they have a place to sleep, food to eat, a place to play, and our love, they will be fine.  And thrive.

So here we are as a family. Teetering on the edge of the unknown. Excited.  Scared. Thankful. Hopeful.  Full of questions but knowing Him who has the answers.

In transition.

Can you be half Panamanian?

I get this comment a lot: "Your daughter's are half Panamanian, half American".

I have to admit, that declaration rubs me the wrong way. My first question is, which half?

How can they be half of something they are completely? They were born in Panama that makes them Panamanian. They have Panamanian birth certificates, not half of one. They speak Spanish (and not with an accent like me). Their family is here, their life. How can they be only half?

And what about American? They don't have half an American passport, either. They don't get half of their rights as citizens. They have a real, live, American mother who makes them American food, speaks to the in English, and reads them the same Dr. Seuss and Little Golden Books that I read growing up. We celebrate Christmas the American way, dye Easter eggs, sing Happy Birthday in English. They are American. Not just half of them.

I understand the statement, though. People are saying, "They are different than what I am used to. They aren't growing up in one culture like I did. They speak my language, but also one I can't understand. I don't know how to categorize them. So I will stick half of them here, and half of them here."

I get that. They are growing up in a different world than I did. Sometimes I just sit and look at them, a little amazed. These are MY daughters. They speak Spanish, their olive skin, dark hair, and dark eyes, don't look like me. They have had experiences as toddlers than many people in my culture only read about. They are mine, and yet totally unlike me. Unique. Special. Beautiful. Just right.

Not half this and half that. Just wholly what they are supposed to be. Wholly themselves. Belonging to two nations. Sharing with both. Seeing the world in a broader way than I did growing up.

Not half and half. Just wonderfully who they are supposed to be.