Saying goodbye again

This past year or so has been a year of saying goodbye to friends. I guess that's one of the things about a missionary lifestyle that I haven't come to peace about. People often ask me if it's hard to live in another country, or whether I miss Oregon. I tell them it's not really the places you miss, but the people. I guess it's one of the true hardships of missionary life.

True, I don't care much for cold showers, or lack of water, or Panama's public buses. But I put up with them, and try to be thankful for water, even when it's cold, and transportation, even when it makes me pray harder than I ever have before.

However, none of these are true hardships. True hardship is saying good bye. It's knowing that all the people you care most about are thousands of miles away, and that you can't just drive to see them whenever you want, or go visit your sister's new baby, or attend weddings, or be part of family camping trips. Those are the moments when missionary life loses it's thrill.

And is if that wasn't hard enough, the close bonds of friendship that you form in your new home country are tenuous as your co-workers feel a call to a new country. The friendship that you built over years of shared experiences, challenges overcome together, weddings, first babies, difficulties and tears, slips away as you must say goodbye to another friend. And smile. And say how happy you are for this new step. All the while you are thinking, "How is this fair? Didn't I give up everything to be here? Do I have to give this up too?"

In the midst of that inner struggle, you realize that it's not just you who must face this challenge headon, but your children as well. Those innocent, trusting souls who don't understand why their playmate is no longer here, and who won't know why thier best friends are now moving to another country.

How do I even broach the conversation? How do I smile and make it sound positive when I myself have not come to peace with it? So I have been avoiding the subject. But I can't forever. I put it off another day and pray for peace. Peace that I desperately need to pass on to my little ones.

"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world." -Jesus